Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
