she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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