Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
