I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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