remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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