It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
