The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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