We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
