Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
