Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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