shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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