what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
