I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
