she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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