Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
