So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
