That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am one with the molecules
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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