Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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