I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
