My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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