I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
