I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
