just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
