My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I could make wine with my vomit
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
