The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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