Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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