Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
