I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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