We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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