He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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