There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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