you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
