Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
