i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
