Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
