return my video game
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
