Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
