My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
