Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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