i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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