Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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