i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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