I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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