god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
