I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
