i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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