so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
