OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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