I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
