you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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