This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
